I really enjoyed this short story! The only parts that were a bit awkward for me were the beginning and when you were giving the physical descriptions of characters. The beginning part didn't flow for me...perhaps you could consider rephrasing some of your sentences or restructuring them? The descriptions felt a little cold. When the main character is describing the man that she loves her description should be full of love and admiration for him. It didn't do it for me. Other than that, very compelling plot and idea.

Yes, it's quite good. The storyline is fine and the language fluent. However, it isn't exemplary. You seem to lack a bit of emotion to the story. Jackie is young, at risk of being fired, pregnant, her fiance dying, and she is forced to make a sacrifice she is most likely to regret, whatever her course of action. Nobody can take it so calmly, so you must add stronger words, more of her character's thoughts, add impact to the tale.

And yes, the paragraph transition isn't too good at times, but that's not a big problem.

I did feel throughtout the story that the character's emotions weren't conveyed as well as they might have been. I understand the tragedy of it all, but I didn't get any emotional response from it. As Pen and Way both mentioned, emotion is what needs the most work on this piece.

It might have made the decision seem even more difficult if there were more specific times made known. Such as roughly how long before Jackie can get a C-section, and roughly how long her fiance has left.