No Title by WaywithWords

So I close my eyes. Focus. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth. And I see... I see... nothing. My mind is as blank as the clean white sheet of paper sitting in front of me. For the umpteenth time I pick up my pencil, and then I immediately set it down again. Everyone says that this will help me to "work through my emotions" and "come to terms what I've been through." You know what? They all want my story so they can make a dime off of me just like the TV crews and the interviewers and even people who I once considered my friends. Leeches! Even if I could, I wouldn't for a minute consider givin' them what they want. And that's besides the point because I can't. The truth is, I have been missing for two years, and I am unable remember a minute of it.

I think you could expand on this part. Being missing for two years is a big thing to happen. Yeah, she didn't remember, but what happened when she was found exactly? How did she feel?

The sad part is, no one fully believes me. When they first brought me in to the police station, I just sat there, not answering any questions, not making eye contact with anyone, just trying to figure out what was going on. They asked me what I remembered. I meekly said that I remembered being in a police car. The burly officer questioning me scoffed, and, after a couple of seconds of silence, he rudely pointed out that he meant what I remembered from the time that I had been missing. Missing. The word repeated in my head, an ominous echo of what My questioner had revealed to me. Shocked into silence by this latest news I stared blankly at him for what must have been three or so minutes. I was brought back by the sound of a chair scraping and, frantic that he would leave me alone before I could ask the question that was burning in my brain, I blurted out, "How long was I gone?".
Coldly, the officer replied, "Twenty-three months."
Now in an utter state of panic I screamed at this abuser to tell me the truth. "This isn't possible!" I screeched at him. "It was just yesterday that I was, well, I was visiting my mother. You can call her! Her number is 546-782-7737. She knows! Yesterday was Thursday, July 10th, 2006. " but before I could speak another word the officer, who had been furiously scribbling notes during my rant, shushed me. Apparently, now that I had provided him with some useful information, he willing to be much more sympathetic.
Speaking to me as if I were a child, he said, "Sweetie, I think that we're done here, and I'm gonna send in Dr. Tao to talk to you. Would that be alright with you?" I must have nodded, because the next thing I knew the officer had left the room

Okay, I haven't got much to say because this is a short post, but it was still super compelling. But some parts you didn't give much away. I feel like you are holding back on us.

Perhaps that's the atmosphere she's trying to create?

But yes, perhaps a bit more info about your character's memories might be good. You may mention what she last remembered, even a mundane event helps make the tale smooth. Right now it feels as if your character has no past, which isn't true. Write down all that she can remember, give her a history. And clues that make the reader guess just what had happened to her.

That's what I was getting at, but I needed you to word it better. Thanks.

I will do that. I was planning to add more to the chapter, but I got tired and called it quits for the night. I'll have more up by the end of today

Your edits made the character more compelling, but I think it does add to the confusion. Maybe your paragraphs weren't structured very well, cuz after reading for a while I began to feel very mixed up. I think it's to do with the pacing. It's much too fast for me.

The whole confusing side of it is hard to get through. Yes, readers like some mystery. The story would be a story without it, but you can't alienate your readers in the process. I can see you are trying to work on this, so I will say no more. I like your dedication.

I've read the second part of your first chapter. It doesn't really progress the story much, but it doesn't need to. The idea of your character undergoing an unknown physical change is very interesting. But since it's a short part, that's all I have to say.

Maybe you could've added some kind of link between the second and third parts of the novel, like what happened when your mother came to take you home and all that, cuz it feels very sudden that life seems to have returned to normal even though there's this missing two-year chunk in your life. There must have been some kind of change to your home, your mother, anything.

And there should be some action to the story. Soon, I hope.